Well well well, fancy seeing you here. You didn’t think you’d be here, did you, perusing a Valentine’s Day gift guide like all the other indoctrinated saps? You ignored the numerous Valentine’s Day gift guides pushed out by our peers the second Mr Claus squeezed his rotund derrière back up the chimney, and yet here you are less than a week out from the 14th of February.
If you’ve reluctantly clicked on our ridiculously last-minute gift guide, there’s a good chance you’re of the opinion that Valentine’s Day is a scam and were planning on getting your significant other absolutely nothing to commemorate the hallmark holiday.
But what’s that? You chickened out, didn’t you. You think your dearly beloved won’t understand your anti-consumerist stance and simply think you’re an insensitive lout. Or perhaps it’s the impending dread of your relationship somehow being perceived as inferior in the face of other couples flaunting their Valentine’s Day loot come the 14th. Valid. Kinda.
Whatever it is, we get it. Truly. We don’t want to be here either, flogging a bunch of heart-shaped, pastel-toned junk in the name of love. Anyway. The key to getting a good Valentine’s Day gift for her without (completely) compromising your ideals is to look for something that she’d be happy to receive—and you’d be happy to gift—on the other 364 days of the year.
With that in mind, forget themed nonsense, skip the flowers (they’re overpriced and undernourished this time of year — grab her a surprise bouquet on literally any other day, it’s not predictable and she’ll be thrilled), and try one of these gifts on for size.
Herewith, the best gifts that say “I may hate Valentine’s Day but I do love you.”
1. Ginori 1735 Diffuser Holder Vase
Pretty and practical. For sensorial aesthetes.
Price: €1250
2. The Vegetarian by Han Kang
The ultimate anti-Valentine’s Day book.
Price: from $19.25AUD
3. Les Composantes Guénolée Courcoux Sculpture (Seated Woman)
Show her you understand her existential dread (and think it’s worthy of being displayed in full view). After all, to be loved is to be known.
Price: $385USD
4. Whittaker’s Artisan Squares
The words ‘supermarket chocolate’ are often used as a pejorative term, but these Whittaker’s Artisan Squares are an exception. And, should the relationship go pear-shaped before the 14th, you can always enjoy eating the evidence.
Price: $12AUD
5. Map of the Heart Black Heart V.2
I know we literally just said nothing heart-shaped, but this is different.
Price: $275AUD
6. Bulgari Serpenti Tubogas
An insightful commentary on the insidious way consumerist holidays gradually wrap themselves around our collective consciousness. Or maybe it’s just a cute little snek🐍.
Price: $77,500AUD
7. Sheet Society Eden Cotton Bed Sheets
Because a good night’s sleep is the most valuable gift of all.
Price: from $260AUD
8. Fourth Street Brass Drip Candleholders (Set of Nine)
It was the butler! In the library! With the candlestick!
Price: $950AUD
9. Cocaïn: History & Culture
An unsurprisingly addictive read. Also a lesson to not judge a book by its cover…or contents.
Price: $105AUD
10. Le Creuset Cast Iron Shallow Casserole
Cast iron outlasts even the best relationship.
Price: from $414AUD
11. Recreation Beauty This Love of Mine Body Oil
To elevate the quotidian.
Price: $79AUD
12. Edie Parker Gemstoned Lighter Case
So she’ll never have to ask some rando for a light. Get her a Bic to go in it too.
Price: $95USD
13. Dries Van Noten Santal Greenery
Forest bathing in a bottle.
Price: $485AUD
14. Aesop Eleos Aromatique Hand Balm
Your heart may be hardened but make sure her hands stay soft.
Price: $43AUD
15. Chylak Small Shopper with Pearls
A classic, but never basic tote bag. Something to put the hand cream in.
Price: €415AUD
16. Reflections Copenhagen Triumph Chess Set
There are no sore losers when you’re playing with crystals.
Price: $6593AUD
17. Lark Personalised Single Malt
Any excuse for Lark will do.
Price: $220AUD
18. Tom Ford Rose Exposed
These roses don’t wilt.
Price: $295AUD
19. Saint Valentine Del Mar Necklace
Warning: you must (must!!) ascertain whether she prefers silver or gold jewellery (fortunately, this necklace comes in both). You can do that by using those spherical organs embedded in your skull to see what she usually wears. Or just ask.
Price: $205AUD
20. Charles & Keith Pointed-Toe Mary Jane Slingback Pumps
Half-hearted shoes but not a half-hearted gift.
Price: $93AUD
21. L’Occitane Iconic Almond Collection
If you don’t get it for her, she’ll just get it for herself.
Price: $159AUD
22. Buccellati Opera Tulle Bracelet
Upgrade her from last year’s VC&A Alhambra.
Price: $POA
23. Summer Fridays Dream Lip Oil
Groundbreaking? No. Good? Yes.
Price: $43AUD
24. Savette Symmetry 19
A crossbody box bag with a twist. Big enough to fit her phone and too small for any emotional baggage.
Price: $2920AUD
25. Malone Souliers Maureen Black Lace Heeled Mules
Sexier (and less overplayed) than fishnets.
Price: £595
26. Maison Louis Marie No.04 Bois de Balincourt Candle
If you live together, it’s lowkey a present for you too.
Price: $66AUD
What is the true origin of Valentines day?
Not just a hallmark holiday, Valentine’s Day has distinctly bloodier origins than the celebration of love it’s now known for, with there being at least three martyrs named Valentine. Though the exact origins of Valentine’s Day are unknown, legend has it the name came from a priest who was martyred around 270 C.E., who befriended his jailer’s daughter and wrote a letter to her, signing it off with “from your Valentine.”
Words by AR Staff
Feature image courtesy of Giorgio Armani
